(Veronica is playing "Pipes and Ladders" with Vivian)
Vivian:Okay Ronnie, it's your turn.
Veronica:(rolls dice)Comeon! Give me what ya've got ya' lil' sucka's!
Vivian:...
Veronica:My father is from New York, what did you expect?
Vivian:Not that, for sure.
(The dice say 6 and 2)
Vivian:6 and 2...oh darn. I never was good at addition, come to think of it, I was more interested in other things...
(FLASHBACK)
(Vivian is in his kindergarden classroom, being disciplined by the teacher)
Miss Snugglepuss:Vivian, what is this?
(Holds up a fingerpainted drawing of two crudely drawn women mudwrestling)
Vivian:It's a drawing of you and Miss Huggincuddle after six rounds of mudwrestling. See, Miss Huggincuddle has bigger boobies...
Miss Snugglepuss:You have a dirty mind, don't you?
Vivian:That's mud, not dirt!
Miss Snugglepuss:*sigh*
(END FLASHBACK)
Veronica:Eight.
Vivian:No, I never liked that number.
Veronica:6 plus 2 is eight.
Vivian:Oh, move your piece.
Veronica:1-2-3-4-5-6-7...
Vivian:...8?
Veronica:It's a "Random Choice Square."
Vivian:So?
Veronica:I never have good luck with these.
Vivian:Just pick a card and get it over with, that was how I always took my tests.
(Veronica picks up a card)
Veronica:What sort of grades did you get on your exams?
Vivian:Passing ones...
(Veronica raises an eyebrow)
Vivian:65.5%.
Veronica:Well, that's not too shocking.
Vivian:But what does ANY of this have to do with my grades?
Veronica:I just got dealt a bad card. Listen to this..."You disobeyed your mother and ate bananas on a hot summer day. Mosquitos bit you all over, and you're the laughingstock of the school. Go back 3 spaces and lose 2 turns."
(Veronica seethes)
Vivian:Look on the bright side, you're a laughingstock without the pain of mosquito bites.
(Veronica rips the board in half)
Veronica:BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE A LAUGHINGSTOCK! I WANT RESPECT!
Vivian:Whoa! Calm down, it's just a game!
Veronica:It's more than a game! I swear that this is my life! No matter what I do, I'm dealt a bad hand of cards!
Vivian:Give me as many examples as you want.
Veronica:My parents neglect me, my teacher is a weirdo psychopath, my best friend wants to take over the world, her lackies hate me, my dream boy thinks I'm crazy and I  HAVEN'T HAD A PROPER BREAKFAST IN SIX YEARS!
Vivian:That's quite a list.
Veronica:I mean look at these! "You need your appendix removed." That happened to me at age five.
Vivian:Well, that's not a vital organ.
Veronica:"You need your tonsils removed."
Vivian:Don't they give you ice cream after tonsil surgeries?
Veronica:"They ran out of you're favorite flavor of ice-cream, so you were sad."
Vivian:Oh.
Veronica:"You need braces."
Vivian:Weren't you 8 when that happened?
Veronica:"You have an imaginary friend."
Vivian:Don't look at me, I'm real!
Veronica:Meh, close enough.
Vivian:So, what does this have to do with you?
Veronica:All the stuff that happens to me is in the bad pile, not the good.
Vivian:Why? You're not a naughty girl at all!
Veronica:I hope you mean behavior-wise.
Vivian:Yes. Of course. (shifts eyes) What ELSE would I mean?
(Vivian blushes)
Veronica:I don't understand, I've never done anything wrong...well, on purpose anyway, and yet I get doled out the worst things life can throw at me, short of poverty and death.
Vivian:Don't forget about starvation!
Veronica:What about "I haven't had a proper breakfast in 6 years" don't you understand?
Vivian:Veronica, I know things look tough, but you have me!
Veronica:Well, you are a great friend, and I love you.
(She tries to hug Vivian, but a safe falls on her)
Vivian:Stupid wand! It's on the fritz again! Do you live near a radio station or something, because this wand is brand new!
(The safe door falls off, and Veronica lands ontop of it)
Veronica:(dizzy)How do you do? My name is Mud. I am an intensive care patient at Cloverleaf General hospital in St. Louis...IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
Vivian:Aww, cheer up Mud! I'll find a doctor!
(Vivian begins to talk to an umbrella)
Vivian:Are you a doctor?
Umbrella:...
Vivian:Okay, Fine with me.
(Vivian talks to a footstool)
Vivian:Are YOU a doctor?
Footstool:...
Vivian:Fine. I'll find someone else. And NO, I am NOT a virgin!

(Cut to Veronica in an alley with her parents)
Veronica:Daddy, I'm sorry we had to leave, but I'm tired.
Mr. Star:It's okay sweets, that opera was boring. Your Mom was the one who suggested it!
Mrs. Star:Well, if you had gone LAST month like I had said, then we could have gone to a more reputable theater...
(Suddenly, a mugger, looking similar to "Butch the Bodyguard" comes out)
Butch:Freeze!
(The Stars stop in their tracks)
Mr. Star:What is the meaning of this?
Butch:Shut up and hand over your valuables!
Mr. Star:Alright, just don't hurt my family.
(Butch scrounges through Mr. Stars wallet, and picks out his identity)
Butch:Hey, aren't you Morty Star? Richest man in Gothamdale?
Mr. Star:I am.
Butch:And YOU were the one who wrote those things about Ol' Nigel?
Mr. Star:I am. What of it? He's a corrupt man with ties to the mafia, how could anyone elect him to be city council-chair?
Butch:Well, my buddy Sid says that he don't like what you wrote.
Mr. Star:So?
Butch:He told me to solve it.
Mr. Star:You aren't suggesting?
(A gunshot is heard)
Veronica:DADDY!
Mrs. Star:You brute! How could you do that in front of a child?
(Mrs. Star grabs the gun, and tries to pull it out of Butch's hands, but he fires, killing her)
Veronica:Help! Help! Police! Somebody!
(Butch has vanished with Mr. and Mrs. Star's belongings)
(Cut to the present day, Veronica is in her bed, tossing and turning. But this isn't the ordinary Veronica that we know of)
Veronica:Agh!
(Vivian opens the door, dressed as a butler, with Veronica's breakfast)
Vivian:What's the problem, master?
Veronica:Vivian, I had that nightmare again.
Vivian:You mean the one with the purple people eater. *sigh* I keep telling you not to watch that show if it scares you...
Veronica:No! I mean the "Other" one.
Vivian:Oh. A bit more serious I take it? I've told you this a hundred times, that was 20 years ago.
Veronica:But it still feels like yesterday.
Vivian:True enough. But you didn't do anything to kill your parents.
Veronica:Yes I did. If I had stayed at the show, then we wouldn't have had to have gone home when HE was there.
Vivian:Mr.Guard has been locked up for 15 years now. If it worries you that much, why don't you do something about it? Oh, wait...
Veronica:You know?
Vivian:I'm your butler, what don't I know?
Veronica:That's true.
Vivian:You'd better get ready for the press conference.
Veronica:Did you get that shampoo I like?
Vivian:Yes. The vanilla scented.
Veronica:Good.
(She walks out)
Vivian:Hey Veronica?
Veronica:Yes Viv?
Vivian:Can I come with you?
Veronica:Well, I need someone to drive that limo.
Vivian:Atleast let me go to the reception!
Veronica:I'd rather not let you come to the party.
Vivian:*sniff*I'm the friggin' butler! I'm bloody bored all day! Cook Vivian! Clean Vivian! Don't tell anyone about my secret crime fighting lair Vivian! You know what? I quit! That's right! I quit! Q-U-I-T, Quit!
(Veronica walks back in)
Veronica:When you pick me up, I'll take you to the candy store.
Vivian:I heard you need a butler, can I have the job?
Veronica:*giggles* Sure thing Vivian.
Vivian:Hey! How do you know my name?
Veronica:*sigh*Oh Vivian!
Vivian:Just pay me in nudie mags and adult material and I'll be set.
(Veronica is in her limo, sitting next to Vivian)
Vivian:Why don't you sit in the backseat?
Veronica:It's simple, I can't see everything from there.
Vivian:Perhaps that's best, because when you see the shops...
Veronica:Ooh! A retro clothing store! Can we go? Please! Please!
Vivian:No, we have a schedule to keep. You have a press conference, remember?
(Veronica pouts)
Veronica:Stupid press conference. Couldn't I have gotten A.J. to do it?
Vivian:Now Veronica, I know it's that time of the month again, but could you try to be more normal?
Veronica:Sorry. I just hope that Trixie Tang isn't here.
Vivian:Oh. The annoying newspaper reporter.
Veronica:Exactly.

(Vivian opens Veronica's door and she exits)
Veronica:(thinking)Just smile and wave, smile and wave...
(Suddenly Trixie pops up)
Trixie:Boo! Hehehehehehe.
Veronica:What's it this time Ms. Tang?
Trixie:Oh! No respect for the inquiring press? Tsk-Tsk. I'm going to have to reveal that dirty little secret of yours.
Veronica:Really? And what would that be?
Trixie:Star Tech is having large amounts of their inventory bought, at the same time that your paycheck is having unusually large expenses deducted from it.
Veronica:So?
Trixie:The stuff in question is military in nature. Armor, grappling guns, boots, aircraft parts...
Veronica:What if it just so happens that I don't want to give into your blackmail?
Trixie:Please, just 6,000,000 dollars a year for life.
Veronica:Knowing you, you'd spend it like water.
Trixie:That's harsh!
Veronica:As harsh as the time you compared me to trash?
Trixie:I didn't really mean that...okay. So I did. I don't like you.
Veronica:My father was the one killed by your father!
Trixie:Comeon! Just because some rogue claimed to do it in my dad's name doesn't mean anything.
Veronica:If you don't mind, I have a speech to give.
(Trixie glares at Veronica as she approaches the podium)
A.J.:And that's the spirit we promote at Star Tech! A spirit of Innovation! A spirit of Modern conveniences making life better for the masses! And now, our chairman, and the last Star alive, Veronica Betsy Star!
(clapping is heard, Vivian is sitting next to Delilah)
Vivian:*sniff*It's so magical to see her up there like her daddy! I remember when she was in diapers!
Delilah:You've been with her that long?
Vivian:I'm a butler not a lover.
Delilah:That's too bad. I'm a maid and I still find time to have "fun" after work.
Vivian:Can we hook up some time?
Delilah:Sorry, but I'm taken...
(Vivian's near twin brother, Rex walks up)
Rex:Hey Delilah! Ready to go out and hit the town?
Delilah:*giggle* You betcha'!
(as they walk off, Vivian makes a pitiful attempt to win her back)
Vivian:Wait! I have sick days! If we're quiet enough, I'm sure Veronica will let us! Ah who cares? I'm only the butler, not the billionaire playgirl who just so happens to be a superheroine.
(pan back to Veronica)
Veronica:And I...I...
(Trixie is making faces at Veronica)
Veronica:Errr...
(Veronica begins to have a headache)
Veronica:That's all I have to say! Bye!
(The crowd seems shocked by the sudden departure. Meanwhile, Vivian is flirting with another girl)
Vivian:So then I tell her, "I'm a butler, not a lover."
Megan:Aww! Ya'll is so cute!
(Veronica grabs Vivian)
Veronica:Comeon! It's an emergency!
Vivian:Whoa!
(Veronica and Vivian get into the limo and drive away)
Vivian:What was that all about? I begin to do anything resembling enjoyment and you come over and say its an emergency!
Veronica:I'm sorry, I just couldn't take all those people...staring at me.
Vivian:Miss Star, you've got to learn how to speak to large groups! I never did, and look at me! I'm a butler! So, hows about we get ourselves some candy?
Veronica:Okay. Just as long as I don't have to give any more speeches.
(Veronica flips on the Television)
Timmy:(as a news reporter)I'm Timmy Turner here for GNN, Gothamdale's #1 News Network. In business news, Veronica Star left a press conference after being there only ten minutes. The reasons are...
(Trixie pushes him out of the way)
Trixie:Trixie Tang of the Gothamdale Post here for a late breaking news story. Mysteriously, Star Tech has been selling hundreds of...
(Timmy pushes her out of the way again)
Timmy:Hey! This is my news story! Not yours!
Trixie:Yeah right! I'm from a newspaper!
Timmy:The Gothamdale Post is practically a tabloid, and it pays lousy too.
(Trixie punches Timmy)
Crowd:Gasp!
Trixie:Goodbye. My car is here.
(As Trixie enters the car, two thugs are greeting her)
Tad:Hello there Trix! How's life?
Trixie:Lousy and underpaid. I mean, you would think that someone like me would be a news anchor. Instead, I'm working for the cheapest tabloid in Gothamdale.
Chad:Cheer up! The last three heists have gone superbly, and "The Red Hood" has been in every newspaper.
Trixie:So, where did you guys get this car?
Tad:Oh, we used part of the money that you stole to buy it...
Trixie:YOU WHAT?!
Chad:We bought this Marquette Town Car just for you, as a surprise.
Trixie:Aww. That's so sweet!
(Trixie shoves Tad and Chad's faces into the dashboard)
Both:OW!
Trixie:You idiots! How am I going to buy that penthouse NOW?!
Chad:There's always tonight's heist.
Trixie:True enough, but we'll have to choose someplace with minimal security, someplace where there's a boatload of money in easy reach.
(All three ponder)
Tad:I'm all out of ideas, how about you Chad?
Chad:Nothin'.
Trixie:*snaps fingers* I've got it! Before I was demoted to working at the Gothamdale Post, I worked at the Phillips Street Journal.
Tad:Yeah, that's very interesting, but why is it important?
Trixie:You see, the pensions of EVERYONE in the news business in Gothamdale are stored there.
Chad:But how would we get in there without being caught?
Trixie:By going through the processing plant. It's closed at night, as the paper needed for printing is done by the afternoon so that it can go to the presses by midnight. There's a partition, and right behind it, there's a safe with the pensions!
Tad:Brilliant idea as usual Trix!
Chad:Bravo! Bravo!
Trixie:And to top it all off, who guards a place that makes paper?
Tad:Indeed.
Chad:True enough.
Trixie:So all we have to do is sneak in and cut through the wall to the safe. So guys, what do you think?
(Tad, Chad and Trixie all give each other high fives)

(Meanwhile, Veronica is going to a restaurant in a sexy dress of hers, but she doesn't seem to want to)
Veronica:And just WHY do I have to do this again?
Vivian:(prodding her with a yardstick)Just to find the person that I set up a date with.
Veronica:So I have to go with you on YOUR date? What if she thinks we're a couple?
Vivian:She won't. I mean, what would YOU be doing with a commoner?
Veronica:I may be rich, but I'm no aristocrat.
Vivian:I'll try to remember that.
(Vivian pulls out a paper and a pencil)
Vivian:"Veronica Star is NOT an aristocrat."
(Veronica walks in and greets the receptionist, who looks like Mr. Crocker)
Mr. Crocker:Hello there! Why if it isn't Veronica Star and...and...
Veronica:(whispers into Crockers ear)Vivian Thistletwat.
Mr. Crocker:...Vivian Thistletwat.
(Suddenly the restaurant breaks out in laughter)
Vivian:Hey! What kind of name did you expect, I'm the butler!
(The laughter increases)
Veronica:Aww! Cheer up! Here's 50 bucks. Now, I'm going to go looking for the ladies room. I've been holding it in for 15 minutes!
(Veronica runs off, not noticing that she's gone into the mens room)
(Flushing is heard, and she exits the stall)
Veronica:Hmm...Urinals in a ladies room. Never seen it before. Oh! This must be one of those unisex bathrooms that I've heard so much about.
(Timmy Walks in)
Veronica:Oh dear, my lipstick is coming off. I'd better re apply it.
Timmy:Veronica Star?
Veronica:Yes?
Timmy:What are you doing in here?
Veronica:Putting on my makeup, what does it look like?
Timmy:Are you sure you're not trying to do a reverse peeping-tom?
Veronica:Why that's preposterous! This is a unisex bathroom!
Timmy:...
Veronica:Err...am I in the wrong room?
Timmy:*nods*
Veronica:*sigh*I've been making that mistake for so long.
Timmy:Oh no, I don't mind...It's just that...well...you're...R...r...rrr...
Veronica:Rich?
Timmy:No. That's not it...Really hot! That's the word!
Veronica:Actually that's two words.
Timmy:It is? With the way it's used, you'd think it was one word.
Veronica:Aww! You're cute. Say, haven't I seen you on TV?
Timmy:Yeah, I'm Timmy Turner at Ten. You know, the news anchor?
Veronica:I always liked your part of the show. And believe me, you've made me interested in politics.
Timmy:*blushes*
Veronica:Say, I'm all alone, loaded, and in need of a man in my life. One that doesn't need Playmaid Magazine to entertain himself, so, would you like to have dinner with me?
Timmy:I can't. I'm on a date with the weather-girl.
Vicky:Hey you little twerp, get out here already! I'm hungry!
Veronica:She sounds alot better on Television.
Timmy:Now you know.
Veronica:(kisses Timmy) Have fun on your date.
(Timmy is in awe as Veronica walks out looking particularly gorgeous)
Veronica:(Blows Timmy a kiss)
(Timmy bursts out of the door following her)
Vicky:Hey prettyboy! Get back here!
Timmy:No way! I'm going after THAT one!
Vicky:Oh come on! I'm the weather-girl. The WEATHER-GIRL. I've made countless hoards of men become interested in meteorology.
Timmy:Goodbye.
(Timmy runs off)
Vicky:But I...I...*sigh*
(Vicky goes to the bar)
Vicky:(to bartender)Give me a glass of 5X scotch, and leave the bottle.
Chester:Do you want ibuprofen for the inevitable hangover that will ensue?
(Timmy sits down with Veronica)
Veronica:Tim? Is that you?
Timmy:It sure is.
Veronica:Well, now that you're free, lets chat.
Timmy:So what do you think of that Trixie Tang? She's something else!
Veronica:Don't tell me you actually LIKE her?
Timmy:Like her? Only some 10 year old with no taste in women would want her. She is the sleaziest, lowest down scum that Gothamdale has.
Veronica:Worse than a bum?
Timmy:In some ways.
Veronica:I heard that her daddy's connections at the paper were the only reason that she got that job, and when he was gone, she was demoted.
Timmy:Despite her demotion, she seems to be able to afford quite a lifestyle. Fancy cars, flatscreen Televisions. You think she's doing something on the side?
Veronica:The only way you could make that kind of money that fast is if she was some kind of criminal mastermind.
(Cut to Trixie, Tad and Chad outside of the plant)
Trixie:Here it is boys! Ace Paper and Chemicals.
Tad:I don't like how it looks.
Chad:Yeah. Is it normal for water to be glowing like that?
Trixie:You whimps! This is the easiest heist in history, and with the way you're acting, people would think that the Red Hood gang is a joke! Wait until I tell the readers this story: "Goodbye. I'm Rich Now! Trixie Tang, star reporter, inherits fortune" and not to mention the mandatory "Red Hood robs Ace Chemical! Pensions of Gothams reporters stolen!" Where is that darn hood anyway?
Tad:It's right here.
(Tad pulls out a breifcase that contains the Red Hood. It's a shiny red dome with a cape attached, complete with red Two-Way mirror glass)
Chad:Oooh, shiny.
(Trixie puts the hood and cape on, in addition to her tuxedo, bowtie and gloves)
Trixie:Let's go!
(as they enter the plant, all seems quiet)
Tad:So where's the partition?
Trixie:Right beyond those tanks over there.
(They soon cut through the metal, and begin to load the money into a sack)
Chad:I'm sorry if I ever doubted you, but that was one hell of a heist!
Trixie:Naturally, I am the Red Hood after all!
(suddenly, a voice is heard)
Voice:Hey you! Freeze!
Tad:What was that?
Chad:I don't know. I mean, who would guard a paper plant?
Security Guard:Wow, the security measures we took after the red-hood robberies have really paid off.
Tad:Maybe your heist wasn't as well planned as you had hoped...
(The three run off with the money)
Security Guard:Quickly! Call for backup!
(Timmy and Veronica meanwhile are having a romantic dinner)
Timmy:So I tell her...
(Timmy's pager begins to beep)
Veronica:What is it?
Timmy:Breaking news. There's a robbery in progress at the Ace Chemical plant, and it's become a hostage situation.
Veronica:So, are you leaving?
Timmy:Hell yeah! I've never seen a heist, but I've always wanted to! Bye Ronnie.
(Veronica kisses him, and soon enough, Vivian comes over, with a bowl of soup on his head)
Veronica:Vivian. We need to go home, now...say, what happened to you?
Vivian:You see, I said that we should go back to your place, and she got offended, then I *cough* accidentally threw a pie at her chest and...
Veronica:No time! Let's go!
(Mr. Crocker seems shocked by their rush)
Mr. Crocker:Hey! What gives? Dinin' n' Dashin' ay?
Veronica:Nope. Womanly emergency! Put it on my tab!
Mr. Crocker:Geez', with the way she's leaving, you would think she's a superhero or something...Nah! Superhero's wear glasses.

(Back at the chemical plant, Tad and Chad have their guns pointed at the two security guards, whom they have hostage)
Tad:Give into our demands, and we won't shoot!
Police:What ARE your demands?
Chad:A trip to Crisneyland, 50,000 frequent flyer miles, and 6,000,000 dollars!
Police:You're bluffing!
Tad:Nuh-uh! We're dead serious! Just watch!
(Tad pulls the trigger, but nothing happens)
Chad:What the? Where's the ammo?
(A note comes out of Tad's pistol)
Tad:There's a note. It says, "Dear Tad. It's a shame I have to leave you high and dry, but hey, I'm a crook! Signed, the Red Hood."
Chad:Are we screwed?
Tad:Pretty much...
(The police surround them with loaded guns, meanwhile, the Red Hood/Trixie is escaping)
Trixie:Haha! That was such an easy crime! I really should have considered that hitman job that I was offered.
(suddenly, Bat-Gal drops infront of her)
Bat-Gal:Ewww! Like, major fashion faux pas. Where did you get that dopey looking helmet? You look like a nuclear popsicle.
Trixie:Really? Now who dresses like that, A mental patient?
Bat-Gal:I could say the same thing about you. Hand yourself in and they might give you a parole.
Trixie:You kidding? I could escape if it wanted to!
Bat-Gal:Listen, I'm being serious.
Trixie:*sigh* Do you really think I'm afraid of bats? Of course not! They're good luck in my culture. Clowns on the other hand...brrr...disgusting creatures.
Bat-Gal:Quiet! Now hand over the money.
Trixie:What are you? Some kind of wannabe vigilante? Well, I can't chat all night, I have a heist to finish!
(The Red Hood runs off)
Bat-Gal:Come back here! You know how hard it is to run when you're dressed like this?
Trixie:My god, that was easy!
(Bat-Gal jumps infront of the Red hood, making her trip)
Trixie:Oof! Hey! *gasp* My money! NOOOOO!
(the money falls into a vat of chemicals, and burns up)
Trixie:You creep! Now you've made me ANGRY!
(She pulls out a gigantic knife from her pocket, and gets into a fistfight with Bat-Gal)
(soon enough, the police arrive, horrified by what they see)
Commissioner Turner:What the? A bat! (Screams like a little girl) EEEK!
Policeman #1:It's not a bat. It's a Bat...man?
Policeman #2:Oh come on! If it's anything, it's a bat-girl! Look at that figure! Ever seen boobs on a man?
Commissioner Turner:Every time I look in the mirror.
(Eventually, the Red Hood loses her balance, and grabs onto the railing)
Trixie:Ha! See, I'll be able to escape!
Bat-Gal:Are you kidding me? If you jump into those chemicals, then you're toast! Literally.
Trixie:Atleast I won't have to put up with the way the world has treated me! I'm a pretty face, and yet I'm in a dead end job, earning $10.00 an hour! And no nutcase is going to tell me how to live! Aidos!
(She let's go, laughing as she falls right into the vat of chemicals, meanwhile, Bat-Gal produces a cloud of smoke, and escapes using her grappling hook)
Commissioner Turner:Drat! She escaped! And where is that genderally undefinable Bat-Person?
Policeman #2:Don't worry, we may have not been able to incarcerate the Red Hood, but  there's no way anyone could have survived that.
Commissioner Turner:What was in that stuff anyway?
Security Guard:Mercury Chloride, Ammonium Hydroxide, Hydrogen Peroxide and Copper Sulfates.
(Bat-Gal is on the roof, and sees a red cape in the water)
Bat-Gal:Goodbye Red Hood.
(Meanwhile, back at her apartment, Trixie is going into the bathroom to clean off)
Trixie:Stupid thugs! I would have done it all so well if they had just taken out those damn security guards...and if I had supplied them with ammo. Now to take off this hood...
(From the back, there is nothing that can be seen, but Trixie begins to cry at what is in the mirror)
Trixie:What...what happened to me?
(Suddenly Trixie begins to laugh)
Trixie:Hahaha...*snork*...hehehehehehehehehe...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(The sound of a pocketknife being pulled out is heard)
Trixie:Let's put a nice, BIG SMILE ON THAT FACE!
(Laughing maniacally, a sewing machine is heard, and she mixes up a huge vat of purple dye)

(Veronica pulls up in the batmobile, only to see Vivian waiting for her with a plate of cookies and milk)
Vivian:So, did you catch the robber?
Veronica:Two thugs, but not the ringleader.
Vivian:Red Hood robbery again?
Veronica:How did you know?
Vivian:I'm your butler. I KNOW these things.
Veronica:*chuckles*True enough.
Vivian:Who do you think the man under the Red Hood is?
Veronica:It's no man. Her voice sounded eerily familiar, as if she was somebody I knew.
Vivian:Timmy called. He wants to have dinner at 8pm Saturday.
Veronica:Okay. I've had enough of protecting Gothamdale. I could use a short break. But if anything goes wrong, I'll be there. Wherever there's a family that's being mugged, abused, or some wackjob killing innocent people, I'll be there.
Vivian:That's very commendable, but you know that you can't always be there, don't you?
Veronica:*sigh* I guess you're right.
Vivian:Wanna' cookie?
Veronica:Sure thing.
(Vivian gives her a cookie)
Veronica:There's one thing that worries me. If the Red Hood lived, what would those chemicals do to a person?
(Trixie's boss is going home, when suddenly he hears a knock at his office door)
Remy:Now who could that be?
Trixie:You know who it is...
Remy:Who?
Trixie:Of course you don't. I'm a nobody. A lousy reporter at a deadend job, sleeping with my boss.
Remy:Trixie? Is that you? You don't sound too good.
Trixie:Trixie? Trixie Tang? Oh no, that's not my name.
Remy:Really? I thought that's what my sugarplum wanted to be called?
Trixie:Not anymore. You'll find me...changed.
Remy:*gasp*
Trixie:Call me...Jokesie.
(After a flash of lightning illuminates the room, Remy can see what has happened to the former Red Hood. Trixie's hair has been dyed green, her skin has been bleached chalk white, her eyes and lips are ruby red, the whites of her eyes along with her teeth are yellowed, and she has a grotesque smile. To top it all off, she is wearing a purple suit, a dark purple bowtie and matching gloves, a green squirting flower and shoes with spats)
Remy:Trix, if its help you need, then I'll provide it! You want money, name your price!
Jokesie:Help? Money? Ha! I've never felt better. And plus, why would I want money? Life's one big joke anyway. I was pampered as a child, yet now I'm in poverty.
(Remy trembles)
Jokesie:Oh Remy! You look stressed, why don't I tell a joke? It's a real gasser...
(She sprays her flower at his face)
Remy:No! What did you do to me? HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!*cough* *choke*
(Remy drops dead, but his face has been stretched into a hideous grin)
Jokesie:It's a real shame about your life and all. So young. Then again, you never did give me that promotion you promised...
(She places a Joker card on his chest)
Jokesie:I'm glad you're dead. Hehehehehehehehehohohohohohohohohohoho...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Veronica suddenly wakes up)
Veronica:Gah! What the? I'm not Bat-Gal? Vivian? Where's the Red Hood?
Vivian:Who? The Red Hood? You shouldn't know about those kind of things yet!
Veronica:You were my butler!
Vivian:Oh boy! Did I get sexy French Maids?
Veronica:Err...nope.
Vivian:It must have just been a dream. If it was real, they'd want me so bad!
Veronica:Riiight...So, what happened?
Vivian:My wand malfunctioned and a safe dropped on your head, remember?
Veronica:Of course not!
Vivian:Well, the important thing is, you're back. So what happened in that dream of yours?
Veronica:I was Bat-Gal, and Trixie...
Vivian:...was Venom?
Veronica:Vivian, wrong comic.
Vivian:Oh! It's one of those weird guys...let's see, Catman's worst enemy? Hmmm...J...J...Jest...nope...Johnny Knox...nope...What's the Jester's name again?
Veronica:It's okay. You get the idea.
Vivian:Do you want to continue playing "Pipes and Ladders?"
Veronica:Sure. After that little trip, I could use something nice and relaxing.
(Suddenly the doorbell rings)
Veronica:Now who could that be at this hour?
(Veronica opens the door and sees Jokesie!)
Jokesie:Hello there! I just thought I would return your cell phone. I tried selling it on Ebay, but nobody wants models in YOUR price range!
Veronica:AGGGGGGGH! RUN FOR THE HILLS! LOCK THE DOORS! CALL BAT-GAL! JUST DO SOMETHING!
Vivian:Wait up! I wanna' come too!
(It was actually Trixie. Poor Veronica was just hallucinating.)
Trixie:What was her problem? The one time I try to do something semi-nice, she doesn't like it. I guess I'll have to be even nastier from now on.

THE END